IVF Journey: What happened to our first round of IVF

The month of August has just ended and so as our first IVF. Yes, our first round of the in-vitro fertilization procedure failed. What a nice introduction, right? I just hate putting many flowery words for now so let's go straight to the point.

Prior to starting this drama, let me share with you the series of activities we did during our first IVF cycle.

• August 1
• I had my first day of menstruation and I was so happy because it was easier to monitor my cycle as it started right on the first day of the month. I informed my Ob-Gyne about this.
• August 2
• As advised by my Ob-Gyne, I had a TVS appointment on the second day for follicle monitoring. We only saw five to six dominant follicles as my FSH level was quite high than the normal (11). Higher FSH means having a low ovarian reserve. In other words, I'm producing low amount of eggs despite having an age of 27 years old.
• We monitored my follicles every other two days.
• I also started my injections for ovary stimulation - Gonal F and Menopur. I had this until August 10.
• August 10
• I had the trigger shot (Chorionic Gonadotropin - Chorapur) at 6 PM.
• August 11
• DH and I took Doxycycline in the morning and evening.
• I fasted for eight hours in preparation for the egg retrieval procedure the next day.
• August 12
• After 36 hours, at 7 AM, they retrieved my eggs.
• From five eggs collected, only two were matured.
• No perfume and jewelry allowed.
• I started taking Duphaston, Progynova, and Progesterone.
• August 13
• My doctor called me that my two embryos got fertilized successfully.
• August 14
• My doctor called me again to confirm my embryo transfer the next day.
• Another egg got matured and fertilized successfully.
• August 15
• No more fasting required.
• One day-three embryo was transferred.
• August 16-29
• I took a leave of absence from work for two weeks so that I can just rest at home during my two-week wait (2WW).
• August 29
• I took a beta HCG blood test and the results was .10 only or negative.

That's it! It seems everything happened so fast and then boom! It still resulted in a negative pregnancy test. I broke down as it was too painful. You know, the time, money, and effort you spent all this time felt like these were all for nothing. 

I kept asking myself if where did I go wrong or what were the things I did or should have not done. Was it my uterus which failed to accept the embryo? Was it the embryo which didn't like my uterus? Was it my diet which wasn't healthy enough? Was it my activity which was too idle? Was it having stress due to overthinking for the result? All I thought about was blaming myself for this result. 

I hope, someday, I could find some light out of this situation and that I may understand more the reasons why these things are happening. I hope, someday, I may able to accept myself not as a failure but someone who is still continuing to improve.